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Tucked away in the back of Hollywood Casino near Grantville, past the slot machines and through the shattered dreams and despair, there’s an oasis with a rare quality: If you wear the right kind of stretchy pants to Hollywood’s Epic Buffet, you can eat enough to take down the house.

And yeah, calling it an oasis might be dramatic, but on a busy Sunday evening with temperatures hovering around 100 degrees outside, the combination of a 45-minute wait and inexplicably high temperatures in that part of the casino made it feel like you just crossed the Sahara.

The experience from that point forward was mostly worth the trouble.

The Epic Buffet is a monstrosity of a set-up with a long bar along the back wall that runs the full gamut of cuisines, and a shorter bar that runs perpendicular down the middle with a salad bar, many dessert options and other odds and ends.

Hollywood Casino does its best Las Vegas impersonation by emphasizing the gaudiness of its venture, and it has a ton of options on a bar that never seems to end. Even better, the service in the restaurant is professional and fast and almost always on point. Finished plates are gone and refills are served in a flash.

As always, the big buffet question is, how many of the items are actually worth of putting on your plate?

The bigger and more ambitious the establishment is, the harder it is to be successful with individual foods. Hollywood has its strengths and its share of items that are offered without getting nearly enough attention.

So, our aim was to sample everything, which was no easy task in one sitting, and give a feel for the quality of all the dishes. Here’s a look at the 60 items we tried, ranked from worst to best.

See also:

A look inside at the Epic Buffet at Hollywood Casino. (Dustin Hockensmith, PennLive)

60. Red rice

The rice is indeed red, which brings with it certain expectations for flavor and spice. But this was more like bland white rice that just happened to have a reddish hue. Located near the taco bar, don’t fall for using it in those endeavors. Walk past and save the carbs for later.

59. Fried rice

The fried rice offers a compelling argument to either put more effort into the Asian selection or scrap it all together. It was bland and mushy and fell short as a companion, let alone as a potential standalone option.

58. Yellow rice

Bland and forgettable. This time in yellow!

57. Cheesy scalloped potatoes

The Hollywood version of a scalloped potato didn’t seem to know whether it wanted to be in a sauce or just kind of a solid cheese mixture. It ends up somewhere in the middle without all that much cheesy flavor with a texture that doesn’t fit my idea of what the food should be.

56. Egg noodles

These are on the bar with Swedish meatballs, which look to be their only real, practical use. They otherwise just kind of exist and need to be doctored to be worth eating.

55. Peas and carrots

The level of interest in this dish is apparent as it clearly sat around for a while. It looked like the mixture you’d get out of a can and not the combination that was romanticized by Forrest and Jenny in “Forrest Gump.”

54. Roasted squash

Hollywood made a sound effort to stay out of the way and not go overboard with the seasoning. The squash was crunchy and had a light, fresh flavor. Still, it was squash and probably shouldn’t be consumed in heavy doses when plenty more decadent options are competing for finite stomach space.

53. Baked beans

There was a little maple kick here, but otherwise the baked beans tasted like the canned option you’d eat at most cookouts. Only this time, there wasn’t a hot dog or hamburger or anything else to go with them.

52. Brussels sprouts

The Brussels sprouts are buttered and seasoned, which makes for a nice first bite. Then they proceed to start tasting like any other Brussels sprouts you’ve ever eaten, and the whole butter and salt experience is ruined.

51. Buffalo pizza

It was hard to tell what the intent was with this pizza, so I had to look up what a “Buffalo pizza” is supposed to be. Hollywood’s version was a white pizza, where Buffalo style seems to emphasize pepperoni and a sweet sauce. Maybe calling it “white pizza” or “move along to the next option pizza” would be more apt.

50. Baked manicotti

The cheese mixture in the middle of the big, round noodle is underwhelming, but the presentation is good enough to draw you in. And if you were eating it in Berkeley, you’d probably be calling it “us-icotti.”

49. No sugar added pudding

For being light on sugar, the pudding has an OK but muted flavor. Diabetics can rejoice for it, which is great, but everyone else should be advised that the “NSA” listed on the sign is of significance. I just thought it was the National Security Agency’s special recipe.

48. Strawberry cream pie

The strawberry cream pie isn’t on the same level as the chocolate version, which you’ll read below. Something gets lost in translation when mixing the strawberry flavor with the cream.

47. Buttered carrots

Not much was left to the imagination here. These were sweet carrots bathed in butter and designed to bring a hint of freshness as a token veggie on most plates. Puff out your chest, carrot lover. You’re probably the healthiest person in the room.

46. Buttered peas

Same deal here. The peas were good and fresh and checked off a veggie box to break the otherwise endless run of rich foods.

45. Roasted tomatoes

These little tomato wedges went heavy on the oil and oregano, and they were served warm as a nice pairing to the wealth of Italian options on the bar.

A variety of foods are seen from Hollywood Casino's Epic Buffet. (Dustin Hockensmith, PennLive)

44. Stewed tomatoes

There are ample tomato options on the bar, ranging in consistency from full tomatoes to spaghetti sauce. The stewed tomatoes are good on the flavor front with the right consistency to split the difference.

43. Hot and sour soup

A few minutes after scooping out a bowl and getting back to my seat, this was neither hot nor sour. It was a pork dish with decent flavor served to patrons who don’t get a spoon in the silverware packets at their tables.

42. Collared greens

This was my first rodeo with collared greens, and the tang came on strong. It’s a flavor that might require some getting used to, but one can only assume a legitimate soul food establishment will offer a much different experience.

41. Passion fruit cheesecake

This particular cake was probably destined to fail. The passion fruit and the cheesecake flavors were both lost in the attempt to combine them.

40. Corn on the cob

The cobs in the tray had a grayish color and weren’t the most choice cuts, but fortunately tasted better than they looked.

39. Buttered red potatoes

These are small red potatoes just dunked in a pan with a half inch of butter. They have the proportionate richness, but could use salt and/or sour cream to round them out.

38. Nutella Rice Krispies treat

This was one of the most exciting desserts on the bar, which made it doubly disappointing that neither the Nutella nor the Rice Krispies flavor was apparent.

37. Blueberry pie

The blueberry pie is acceptable as is, but a warm option would be even better. Throw some ice cream on it for now to add another much-needed dimension.

36. Pizza with red sauce

We’ll throw all the other pizzas under one roof and make a quick comparison to Little Caesar’s. It’s fine, but doesn’t seem to be treated like a priority item on the buffet.

35. Macaroni and cheese

When the cheese sauce cooled, it coagulated and started to lose its appeal. The taste was fine and the big shells and yellow cheese were a nice touch, but it landed a couple steps shy of the “must-get” category.

34. Stewed okra

The flavor profile was OK and it looked the part of an authentic dish, but surely a southern chef is cringing somewhere thinking about such a beloved food being served at a casino buffet. Still, the okra was tender and the stewed tomatoes held up their end.

33. Almond coffee torte

A bitter dark chocolate flavor is the prevailing flavor with only subtle notes of the others.

32. Sausage parmesan

Sausage and red sauce is typically a can’t-miss combination, but this one somehow doesn’t compute. The heavy flavor of the sausage clashes with the sauce instead of working together to make something better. It’s just a little too in your face to eat on its own.

31. Vegetable pot sticker

The fried version of a pot sticker ends up more like an egg roll than anything else. It was part of a random assortment of Asian-influenced dishes that didn’t have much common ground or synergy, but it did stand OK on its own.

30. Swedish meatballs

The meat itself was a little tough and didn’t have much flavor, so the decision was obvious to ratchet up the salt and flavor of the gravy to steal the show. It works to a certain point, but not in heavier doses.

29. Amaretto chocolate cake

The amaretto flavor is nice on a dessert that is heavy on cream with a small layer of cake at the bottom. A little more of that chocolate would probably help.

A variety of dessert options from Hollywood Casino's Epic Buffet. (Dustin Hockensmith, PennLive)

28. Chocolate strawberry cake

The pink exterior catches your eye as one of the first items you see upon walking in. The color gives it a nice look, but the strawberry flavor is quite mild.

27. Strawberry swirl mini cupcake

This is a pretty good little dessert. It has a strawberry swirl that jumps out as being artificial and is very sweet, but it’s a tiny bite worth at least sampling.

26. Pasta with alfredo sauce

This was a decent rendition of Alfredo sauce with a nice garlic bite. It’s one of four sauce options to mix and match with a variety of pastas in a pretty well-developed Italian section of the buffet.

25. Baked flounder

The baked flounder is a mild fish with a mild seasoning, so it’s wide open to dip or dunk in Hollywood’s variety of sauces or just throw it on a plate with macaroni, mashed potatoes or stewed okra. It’s a versatile dish that is semi-healthy as is or could be lathered in a dozen ladles full of tartar sauce. You’re in control!

24. Red velvet mini cupcake

The red velvet cake is dense and a little dry while the frosting is light and mild. It has a good flavor, but the texture didn’t quite hit. A lighter cake, a heavier cream or a little cream in the middle would help.

23. Shoo fly pie

The Hollywood pie had a pretty competitive flavor for a buffet offering. You won’t confuse it with a Amish country original, but you’ll probably eat the whole slice.

22. Jerked chicken

Hollywood offers a variety of cuts and portions, so there’s a piece of meat here for anybody. It has a heavy coat of seasoning that it calls “jerked,” where the traditional Jamaican dish is called “Jerk chicken” and often comes with a reddish rub and a little spice. This is a different interpretation, but still has a nice flavor.

21. General Tso’s pork

Never heard of General Tso’s pork? It’s not as common as its always-popular chicken namesake. The Hollywood version of the pork vaguely resembled what you’d see in a Chinese restaurant, but with that wholesale buffet twist with small pieces of pork, peppers and onions. More pork would be a step in the right direction.

20. Tater tots

Buffets just aren’t ideal places to get fried foods, and tater tots in particular can fade quickly under heat lamps. The more time lapses between them and the fryer basket, the more the flavor suffers. It’s not Hollywood’s fault, though. Blame science.

19. Ice cream

This is a routine section of the dessert bar with vanilla, chocolate and mixed soft serve. The dish and cone options and a toppings bar help bring it to life.

18. Caramel pretzel cupcake

The flavor profile was good with a gooey dab of caramel in the middle. The frosting was nice, too. The only real complaint was a half stale pretzel on the top.

17. Fried chicken

The Hollywood fried chicken probably doesn’t deserve to be near the recent list we compiled of the region’s best, but it’s not a bad effort. It’s very salty and the meat is a little dry, but otherwise is worth grabbing a piece.

16. Kielbasa

Kielbasa is a pretty hard one to mess up. Add it to a creamy dish or mashed potatoes and you might have something, though a sauerkraut companion would be a nice partner to add in the future.

15. Peanut butter mousse

The richness of the scoop-able peanut butter mousse dessert is off the charts and can be likened to a deconstructed peanut butter pie. It’s a thick, sticky dessert that is great in small doses, but has its limits.

14. Coconut macaroons

These little circles of heaven have a nice, airy texture with a drizzle of chocolate. The texture and taste make it one of the casino’s top handheld desserts.

13. Pasta with creamy pesto

This white sauce was unique with a light pesto taste and a cream base. It’s a good choice for anyone who is overwhelmed by traditional pesto sauce or is looking for an alternative to standard red sauces.

12. Mashed potatoes

The mashed potatoes had a creamy, natural flavor and texture like some real effort went into making them. They are delicious on their own or can be paired with just about anything else on the bar, including the vegetables.

11. Fried catfish

On taste alone, the catfish would seem to pass a southerner’s preliminary test for authenticity. Not with flying colors, mind you, but with solid marks. The seasoning was tasty, and the breading was crunchy to help boost that typical gamey catfish taste.

10. Cheesecake

The cheesecake is a traditional dish with an expected flavor profile, but Hollywood serves it in a little square with a dollop of whipped cream and a decent crumbly crust. It stands out for its rare delivery method, but stands up to most restaurant cheesecakes.

9. Chocolate cream pie

This had a really good light flavor with whipped topping and chocolate sprinkles. With a light, crumbly crust, it ends up being more of a dessert mashup than a pie

8. Warm chocolate chip cookies

These tiny treasures are smartly and thoughtfully placed on a warm griddle to make grabbing them by the handful easy and satisfying. The heat is a nice touch and a real game-changer that should frankly be the norm.

7. Taco bar

All the essentials are here to build a nice taco with black beans, lettuce, cheese, sour cream, tomatoes, onions and two salsas. The beef is a good enough vehicle to bring all those other fresh ingredients together. Hard and soft shells are both available.

6. Waffle fries

These were a pleasant surprise. They were aggressively seasoned and crispy, kind of like the offspring of an Arby’s curly fry and a Chick-fil-A waffle. They made a delicious potato baby for your buffeting pleasure.

5. Pasta with meat sauce

Hollywood brings a meaty, flavorful red sauce to the table, and it doesn’t skimp on the meat. Add it to some linguine, and it’s a pretty competitive dish. Just be mindful of how hearty that meat and noodle combination can be before committing to a full plate.

4. Sliced ham

On its own, the ham is very salty, but it comes with a side of pineapple glaze that is terrific. It completely offsets the salt and takes the ham up a few notches.

3. Roasted turkey

The ham and turkey carving stations are located right in the center of the main bar of the buffet, so they are hard to miss. They shouldn’t be skipped, either. The turkey was moist and flavorful and a worthy main course, and if it needs any help, a variety of gravies are available.

2. Cheese puff

Don’t confuse the name with the orange snack food. Think instead about the texture of a Red Lobster cheddar bay biscuit, but with a sharp cheese flavor. They are an unexpected star of the buffet, pinned in the Italian section in the far back corner.

1. Apple crisp

This was one of the best executed items on the entire menu with big chunks of apple, nice gooeyness to connect it all and a light crumb topping. It’s conveniently located right next to the ice cream too, so you barely have to move to make it a classic combination.